anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē/
noun
- a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
I was known to be a quiet person ever since I was a child. I'm not a very good conversationalist. I don't know if it's because I don't like talking or I just don't care about talking with other people.
But I like to hear people talk that's for sure. I could listen to some dude ranting all day than me talking for like 5 minutes straight. There's something about it tho. I tend to stare into the person's eyes when he/she talks. So one day, a girl asked why I kept on staring at her eyes when she's talking to me. That was when I realised my habit. Ever since that day I hardly even stare at anybody's face while they're talking to me.
That's when my anxiety started.
I kept on wondering, "Is there anything else about me that irritates other people?"
I'm not a socialist therefore can't afford to lose more friends due to my bad habits. Can I?
SO I distanced myself from others. I don't approach people. Most of my friends are the ones who started the conversation. I try to avoid long conversations. Some of them took it the wrong way tho.
Saying that I hate people and I'm a creep who don't talk and sits alone most of the time.
Enough to say, that didn't help. It made my anxiety worst.
I'm afraid to talk to girls now. It might not seem like it but heaven knows I'm dying inside when they drag the conversation. I convinced myself that talking to girls for now is not important since I'm too young to be looking for a partner but it gets lonely sometimes. Sure I have lots of guy friends but sometimes I can sense that I'm just too boring for them.
I am boring. My life is boring. I rarely have a good story to tell when I'm out with my friends. Even if I had one, I wouldn't know how to tell them.
How did I write this post anyways?
I'm just hoping nobody reads this post. It's easier for me to tell my side of the story. It's time I actually tell by not talking.
